Author Jeri K. Augustus / Category Education Center. Last Updated: February 28,
Reviewed by John Conor. Reading time 23 mins.
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Table Of Contents
Wake & Funeral Etiquette: Key Takeaways
- Respect the Occasion – Dress in conservative attire, arrive on time, and offer brief, sincere condolences to the family.
- Observe Traditions – Different cultures have unique funeral customs (Catholic Mass, Jewish Shiva, Hindu Antyesti, Muslim Janazah). When in doubt, observe quietly and follow the family's lead.
- Support Beyond the Service – A simple sympathy card, memorial donation, or checking in later can provide lasting comfort to the grieving family.
Introduction
Attending a wake or funeral is an opportunity to show support and respect for the family of a loved one who has passed. However, if you’re unfamiliar with proper etiquette, it can feel overwhelming to know what to say, what to wear, and how to conduct yourself.
At Jewelry Keepsakes, we understand that navigating loss can be difficult, and we have spent years helping families create meaningful memorial jewelry to honor their loved ones. Having assisted countless families during their time of loss, we aim to provide thoughtful, practical guidance to help you feel more confident and comfortable when attending a wake or funeral. We've seen firsthand how understanding funeral etiquette can ease stress and allow families to focus on honoring their loved one.
In this guide, we’ll walk you through essential etiquette, from how to express condolences to what to expect during different types of services. Whether you are attending your first wake or want to ensure you’re honoring traditions appropriately, this article will serve as a helpful resource during a sensitive time.
Understanding Wakes, Funerals and Memorial Services
Wakes, funerals, and memorial services each serve a unique role in honoring a loved one’s life and providing a space for remembrance and support.
- A Wake is a gathering before the funeral where family and friends can pay respects, share memories, and offer condolences. Traditionally, wakes were held in the home, but today they often take place at funeral homes or community spaces.1
- A Funeral is a structured ceremony that may include religious or secular traditions.2 It typically features readings, eulogies, and music, and may conclude with burial or cremation. Funerals provide a formal way for loved ones to say goodbye.
- A Memorial Service is similar to a funeral but takes place without the body present. It offers flexibility in timing and location, allowing families to create a more personalized tribute, sometimes held weeks or months after passing.3
Various cultures and religions have unique customs for honoring the deceased, such as Catholic funeral Masses, Jewish Shiva, and Hindu Antyesti. These traditions play an important role in remembrance and mourning. Later, we will explore these customs in more detail to help you better understand and respectfully support grieving families.
Navigating Wakes: Purpose, Traditions, and Proper Etiquette
What Is A Wake?
A wake is a gathering held before a funeral, allowing family and friends to pay respects, offer condolences, and share memories of the deceased.
The term "wake" originates from the ancient practice of keeping watch over the deceased before burial. Historically, this was done to ensure the person had truly passed and was not in a deep, mistaken sleep—a concern before modern medicine. Over time, this vigil evolved into an opportunity for communal mourning and support.
A traditional wake setting.
Traditional vs. Modern Wakes
Traditional wakes were often held in family homes, with mourners staying overnight in the presence of the deceased.
Modern wakes are typically hosted at funeral homes, places of worship, or community halls, providing a structured space for visitors.
Common Wake Activities
Viewing the deceased (if applicable)
Sharing memories and offering condolences
Religious or personal rituals (examples)
- In Catholic traditions, the Rosary is often recited at the wake.
- In Irish culture, storytelling and music sometimes play a role in the wake.
Memory displays – Families may create photo boards, video tributes, or a table of meaningful objects from the deceased’s life.
Who Can Attend a Wake
Wakes are generally open to anyone who knew the deceased or wishes to support the family. Close friends, relatives, colleagues, neighbors, and even acquaintances are welcome. If you're unsure whether you should attend, it's generally better to err on the side of showing your support.
What To Wear to a Wake
The dress code for a wake is typically more formal than everyday attire but less formal than a funeral. The key is to dress respectfully and avoid anything too flashy or casual. Choosing appropriate wake attire is important. Many people wonder what to wear to a wake.
Wake Etiquette for Women: Business casual or semi-formal attire is appropriate. Consider a dress (knee-length or longer), a skirt and blouse, or dress pants with a nice top. Dark or muted colors like black, navy, gray, or brown are traditional choices.
Avoid bright colors, revealing clothing, or anything overly casual like jeans or athletic wear.
Here is an image of appropriate women's attire for a wake, featuring a sleek black or dark-colored midi dress, a tailored blouse with high-waisted trousers, a structured handbag, elegant black leather loafers or low heels, and minimalist jewelry. A stylish dark blazer or long coat is also included for layering
Wake Etiquette for Men: A suit, or dress pants and a collared shirt (with or without a tie), are appropriate. A sports jacket can also be worn with dress pants and a collared shirt. Dark or muted colors are preferred.
Avoid jeans, t-shirts, sneakers, or overly casual attire.
Here is an image of an appropriate men's attire for a wake. This includes a dark-colored suit, a white or light-colored dress shirt, a subtle-patterned or solid dark tie, polished black dress shoes, and a matching belt, ensuring a respectful and formal appearance.
Cell Phone Etiquette
Silence your cell phone or turn it off completely upon entering the wake. Avoid using your phone for calls, texting, or social media while you are at the wake. It's disrespectful to the family and other mourners.
Arrival and Departure Etiquette
- Arrival: When you arrive, it's customary to greet the immediate family members, express your condolences, and offer your support. A simple "I'm so sorry for your loss" or "My condolences to you and your family" is sufficient.
- Departure: Before leaving, it's polite to thank the family for allowing you to pay your respects. You don't need to stay for the entire duration of the wake.
How Long to Stay
There is no set time for how long you should stay at a wake. It depends on your relationship with the family and the circumstances. A brief visit to offer condolences is perfectly acceptable. If you are close to the family, you may choose to stay longer. Observe cues from the family – if they seem overwhelmed or ready for the wake to conclude, it's a good time to depart.
Interaction with the Family
Keep your interactions with the grieving family brief and supportive. Share a positive memory of the deceased if you have one, but avoid lengthy stories or anything that might be upsetting. Offer practical help if appropriate, such as bringing food or running errands.
Social Media Etiquette
Avoid posting about the wake or the deceased on social media without the family's permission. Sharing photos or details of the wake is generally considered inappropriate unless the family has specifically requested it.
Etiquette for Children Attending a Wake
If you bring children to a wake, ensure they are well-behaved and understand the solemn nature of the occasion. Explain to them beforehand that it's a quiet and respectful environment. If your children become restless or disruptive, it's best to take them outside.
Photography and Videography Etiquette
Photography and videography are generally discouraged at wakes unless specifically permitted by the family. It's important to respect their privacy during this difficult time. If you are unsure, it's always best to ask for permission before taking any photos or videos.
Funeral Etiquette: Traditions, Customs, and How to Show Respect
What Is A Funeral?
A funeral is a formal ceremony honoring a loved one’s life, providing a structured space for grief, tribute, and closure.
Religious vs. Non-Religious Funerals
Religious Funeral
A Catholic funeral typically includes a Requiem Mass, prayers for the deceased's soul, and the use of incense as a symbol of purification.
Jewish funerals involve traditional prayers and a burial as soon as possible, following the practice of tahara (ritual cleansing).
Muslim funerals include the Janazah prayer and emphasize a simple burial facing Mecca, as equality before God is central to Islamic beliefs.
A religious funeral.
Non-Religious Funerals
A secular funeral might be led by a celebrant rather than a religious leader.
Instead of scripture, it often includes personal stories, poems, and music that reflect the deceased’s personality and life.
Family members or friends may deliver spoken tributes or participate in symbolic rituals, such as lighting candles.
A non-religious funeral
Who Can Attend a Funeral
Funerals are typically open to anyone who knew the deceased, wants to support the family, or wishes to pay their respects. Family, close friends, acquaintances, colleagues, neighbors, and community members are generally welcome. If you're unsure, it's usually appropriate to attend if you feel a connection to the deceased or the family.
What To Wear to a Funeral
Funeral attire is generally formal and respectful. The focus is on showing reverence and avoiding drawing attention to oneself.
Women: Formal attire in dark or muted colors is appropriate. Consider a dress (knee-length or longer), a skirt and blouse, or a pantsuit. Black is the most traditional color, but navy, gray, brown, and other dark shades are also acceptable. Avoid bright colors, revealing clothing, or anything overly casual.
Here is a modern photo of appropriate women's funeral attire, featuring formal options in black, navy, gray, and brown.
Men: A suit is the most appropriate attire. A dark suit (black, navy, or gray) is preferred. If a suit isn't possible, dress pants and a collared shirt (with a tie if possible) are acceptable.
Avoid jeans, t-shirts, sneakers, or other casual clothing.
Here is a modern photo of appropriate men's funeral attire, featuring formal options in black, navy, gray, and brown.
Cell Phone Etiquette
Silence your cell phone or turn it off completely before entering the funeral service. It's crucial to avoid any distractions or interruptions during the ceremony. Do not use your phone for calls, texting, or social media while you are at the funeral.
Arrival and Seating Etiquette
- Arrival: Arrive on time or even a few minutes early. This allows you to find a seat and avoid disrupting the beginning of the service.
- Seating: Family members typically sit in the front rows. Other attendees can fill the remaining seats. If the family has designated specific seating, follow their instructions.
The Funeral Service
- Respectful Conduct: Maintain a quiet and respectful demeanor throughout the service. Avoid talking, whispering, or making unnecessary movements.
- Participation: Participate in the service as appropriate, such as standing during hymns or prayers if you are comfortable doing so.
- Condolences: After the service, it's customary to offer your condolences to the immediate family members. A simple "I'm so sorry for your loss" or "My deepest sympathies" is sufficient. Share a brief, positive memory of the deceased if you have one.
How Long to Stay
You can stay for the entire funeral service or leave afterward. It's respectful to stay at least through the main part of the service. If there is a reception or gathering after the funeral, you can attend if you wish to offer further support to the family.
Interaction with the Family
Keep your interactions with the grieving family brief and supportive. Offer your condolences and share a positive memory of the deceased if you have one. Avoid lengthy stories or anything that might be upsetting. Offer practical help if appropriate, such as bringing food or running errands.
Social Media Etiquette
Avoid posting about the funeral or the deceased on social media without the family's permission. Sharing photos or details of the funeral is generally considered inappropriate unless the family has specifically requested it.
Etiquette for Children Attending a Wake
If you bring children to a funeral, ensure they are well-behaved and understand the solemn nature of the occasion. Explain to them beforehand that it's a quiet and respectful environment. If your children become restless or disruptive, it's best to take them outside.
Photography and Videography Etiquette
Photography and videography are generally discouraged at funerals unless specifically permitted by the family. It's important to respect their privacy during this difficult time. If you are unsure, it's always best to ask for permission before taking any photos or videos.
Differences Across Cultures and Regions
Cultural Sensitivity Disclaimer: It’s important to remember that funeral customs vary greatly within each religion and culture. The following are just brief overviews, and traditions may differ based on region, family customs, and personal beliefs.
Catholic Traditionss
- A Requiem Aeternam prayer is often recited.
- A pall (white cloth) is placed over the casket, symbolizing the deceased’s baptism and purity.
- The use of incense during the funeral Mass represents prayers rising to heaven.
Expert Insight
Catholic funeral rituals help mourners express both grief and hope, reinforcing the belief in eternal life.4
Jewish Traditionss
- Tahara (ritual cleansing) is performed before burial.
- Kriah (tearing of garments) symbolizes grief and loss.
- Mirrors in the home may be covered during shiva to shift focus from personal appearance to mourning.
Expert Insight
The tearing of garments in Jewish tradition symbolizes the tearing of the heart in grief.5
Hindu Traditionss
- The Antyesti (last rites) ceremony is performed, often by the eldest son.
- Cremation is the most common practice, as Hindus believe in reincarnation.
- Ashes are typically scattered in sacred rivers like the Ganges to aid spiritual liberation.
Expert Insight
For Hindus, cremation is not just a farewell but a transition into the next life.6
Muslim Traditionss
- The Janazah prayer is recited, asking for mercy on the deceased.
- The body is buried as soon as possible, facing Mecca.
- The grave is marked with simplicity, reflecting equality before God.
Expert Insight
The simplicity of the Muslim burial emphasizes the equality of all before God.7
How to Show Respect at Any Funeral
If you are unsure about etiquette at a religious or cultural funeral:
✅ Observe quietly and follow the lead of those familiar with the customs.
✅ Dress modestly in subdued colors.
✅ Offer condolences respectfully, acknowledging the family's traditions.
Conclusion
Wakes, funerals, and memorial services all serve a profound purpose: to honor a life and provide comfort to the grieving. Regardless of cultural or religious background, these ceremonies remind us of the universal nature of love, loss, and remembrance.
If you ever have questions about attending a service, a heartfelt show of compassion and presence is always appropriate.
Works cited:
- "What is the difference between a wake and a traditional funeral service?"; Signature Headstones; https://signatureheadstones.com/blogs/news/what-is-the-difference-between-a-wake-and-a-traditional-funeral-service
- "Understanding common funeral traditions in America."; Devlin Funeral Home; https://www.devlinfuneralhome.com/blog/understanding-common-funeral-traditions-in-america/
- "What is a memorial service?"; Monuments of Victoria; https://monumentsofvictoria.com/what-is-a-memorial-service/
- "Why are Catholic funerals and rituals important?"; Catholic News Herald; 29 Oct 24; https://catholicnewsherald.com/faith/funeral/204-news/grief-header/8696-why-are-catholic-funerals-and-rituals-important
- "12 facts you should know about a Jewish funeral."; Chabad.org; https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/6690547/jewish/12-Facts-You-Should-Know-About-a-Jewish-Funeral.htm
- "Understanding Hindu end-of-life traditions: A journey of faith and spiritual preparation."; Buried in Work; https://buriedinwork.com/articles/understanding-hindu-end-of-life-traditions-a-journey-of-faith-and-spiritual-preparation/
- "Muslim funeral traditions."; Funerals Your Way; https://funeralsyourway.com/muslim-funeral-traditions/
Jeri K. Augustus
With over four decades of experience in customer service, Jeri K. Augustus brings both expertise and a deep, personal understanding of loss and grief to her work at JewelryKeepsakes. From Great Falls, Montana, Jeri has spent much of her life helping others through some of their most difficult moments, offering a compassionate hand to guide families as they honor their loved ones. Her personal experiences have given her a unique perspective, and she’s dedicated herself to creating lasting tributes that bring comfort and meaning.
Jeri’s contribution to the cremation jewelry industry is nothing short of remarkable. She played a key role in developing modern, meaningful designs for pendants, cremation rings, and bracelets that have become staples in the industry. Additionally, her innovative launch of a photo-engraved jewelry line—now offering hundreds of customizable styles—has helped countless families preserve the memories of their loved ones in a deeply personal way.
Beyond her industry achievements, Jeri’s greatest passion remains helping families find the perfect keepsakes. As a key member of the leadership team at JewelryKeepsakes Inc., she takes pride in offering genuine, caring support to customers, answering inquiries, and providing guidance in a way that reflects her deep commitment to their needs.
When she’s not assisting families, Jeri enjoys spending time with her children, grandchildren, and beloved dogs in Montana, continuing to find joy in the little moments. If you’re looking for someone who combines compassion, expertise, and a true understanding of your needs, Jeri is the perfect person to help you find a beautiful, heartfelt keepsake.